


Hunting but not for Zombies

by Plumetta



Category: Zombieland (2009)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1254256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plumetta/pseuds/Plumetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little Rock is trying to teach Columbus how to kill dinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunting but not for Zombies

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything no copyright infringement is intended.

Little Rock was trying to teach Columbus how to hunt animals.

Little Rock sighed. “You’re too loud.” 

“I didn’t say a word.

“Your footsteps are way too heavy. “You’re scaring everything away within miles.

“You’ve only been hunting for a couple of months. Columbus said. “You’re not an expert.

“I bring in as many squirrels as Tallahassee, more rats and even a snake a couple of days ago.

“That was a poisonous snake. Columbus said. “We couldn’t eat it.”

I still killed it and Tallahassee got a new belt. We are not going after snakes today though, even though there are a ton of them in that field. 

Columbus agreed. He didn’t want to be anywhere near them and Tallahassee had forbidden Little Rock to hunt for them without him. Columbus had mentioned to Tallahassee that it was really impossible to forbid a twelve year old who carried a gun but he didn’t see it that way and surprisingly neither did Little Rock. If it meant he didn’t have to be near snakes Columbus was happy for Little Rock’s obedience. 

Little Rock saw some squirrels and motioned for Columbus to stay still. She took one down so easy, that Columbus fired and scared the rest of them away.

She turned and glared at him. “You must not be very hungry.”

“We’ll share it.”

When she collected the squirrel he saw how small it was, there was a handful of nuts she found in the tree. “We might as well go back. She said. I can’t hunt with you.

“I’m sorry, with zombies you don’t have to be quiet when hunting them.

“That’s because you don’t want to eat them. Little Rock said.

They walked back to the motel and Little Rock put the squirrel and nuts on the table.

“Only one? Tallahassee said. “That’s not going to go far. You usually do a lot better.

Little Rock pointed at Columbus. “It’s his fault.”

Tallahassee laughed. “I’m sure of it. 

“I think I saw some birds. Little Rock said. “ When can I shoot at birds?

“Eventually. ” Tallahassee said. ‘ “It’s easier to kill things on the ground.

“They were on the ground. Little Rock said. “They looked like turkeys.

Tallahassee grabbed his gun. “Turkeys? Why didn’t you say so? “Let’s go and have Thanksgiving.

Columbus picked up his gun and Little Rock groaned. ‘Don’t let him come. I want to eat tonight. He scares everything.

Tallahassee grinned. “You heard the lady. You can clean the squirrel.

“Why do I have to do it?

“The hunter doesn’t cook or clean.” Little Rock said.

“When did we make that rule? Columbus asked.

Wichita laughed. “The two of them came up with it when they caught Bambi last week.

Columbus frowned. “That was sad. It was just a baby.”

Little Rock rolled her eyes. “Fine, we’ll try to kill Bambi’s mother and leave him an orphan.

“You know Disney movies are traumatic. Columbus said. He pointed at Little Rock. “Besides she does it faster and since she tried to kill us with that snake…..He shut up when he felt three pairs of eyes on him. If looks could kill he’d be six feet under.

 

Tallahassee was the first to speak. “No, since you’re as useless as tits on a bull. I think cooking and cleaning should be your job until you actually kill something we can eat. At least Wichita gets rats.

“Don’t you find all these rodents unsanitary? Columbus asked. Why don’t we head for Texas and shoot cows?

“We have a good food source here. Wichita said and we haven’t seen any zombies for a month. I’m in no hurry to leave.” Now clean the squirrel, I’m going to clean the guns.”

 

Columbus groaned he’d been relegated to 19th century women’s work. Little Rock and Tallahassee were talking strategy..

“If we don‘t get a turkey we should look for some snakes. She said. “I think I saw some different ones near that field.” 

“Young lady, didn’t I tell you to stay away from that field?

“No. You said not to go hunting for snakes so I didn’t go in very far but I looked around.

“Okay, I will clarify. Don’t go near the field by yourself or I’ll use my new belt on you.

Columbus shook his head and chuckled. “Wichita will kill you.

Tallahassee spun around. “Shut up and make squirrel stew.”

“I wasn’t alone. Little Rock said defensively. “ I was with him.

Columbus wanted to shrink under Tallahassee’s look. “You took her to look for snakes?”

“No. She was showing me where to hunt.”

Little Rock shrugged. Tallahassee shook his head wishing for unexpired Tylenol. “Honey, he’s a good partner in a zombie fight but hunting for food .is not his strong suit.. Look just don’t go anywhere near snakes without me. There are better things to eat around here. It should be last resort food.

“Okay….let’s go get some turkey.

The two of them left to get dinner. Even though he’d be stuck cleaning it. Columbus was hoping they would catch a turkey. He was also ridiculously happy that Tallahassee said he was a good zombie killing partner.


End file.
